Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
