Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
no you cant smoke seaweed
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
