4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
