Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
