I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
