The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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