Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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