No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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