What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
