Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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