it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
