her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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