I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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