no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
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