Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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