i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
