I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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