I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
