OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
