If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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