3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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