you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
