does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize