Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
