who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
