morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
