I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
