Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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