Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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