Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
