I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Randomize
