this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize