No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
