how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
