What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
