jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
