Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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