We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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