I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
