i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
