this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
