How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
