He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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