I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
