I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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