I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Randomize