How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
