I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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