next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
