If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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