I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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