I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize
