Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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