i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize