Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
