Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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