i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
