can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
