There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
