Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
