i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize