There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
