moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
