i just had sex bonerless
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize