There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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