That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
