I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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