Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize