U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize