So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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