if i can run in heels then i can drive
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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