My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
