I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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