the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
