I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
