you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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