Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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