Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Randomize
