How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
