So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
