It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
