im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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