just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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