i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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