I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
