I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
