you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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