and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
