i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
