True but thats because hes a fetus.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
