You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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