There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize
