Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
