im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize