shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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