My hand turned me down
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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