Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
