i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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