dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Dignity is for republicans.
She bit a glass in half.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
